Jokes :

Bill and Hillary

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before
the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his
ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the
field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr.
President Sir, I think you misunderstood me, I said throw out the first
pitch."

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Bad Food

A Doctor was addressing a large audience:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of
us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your
stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most
dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell
me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years
after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in
the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
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CAREER AT A HELP DESK

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, nothing happens, it must be really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still
on my desk... sorry .

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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Is that your left or my left?

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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and.....

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates damn it !

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Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but
the computer still says it can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red ...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!
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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a Capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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A customer couldn't get on the Internet: -
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem.
A friend has placed screensaver on my computer, but every time I move
the mouse, it disappears !
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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you.Can You
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
hours ago.
Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
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Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle
around it?
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