Joke:Three Patients

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
 
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
 
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
 
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
 
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
 
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

 

Jokes

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8 children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the

husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!"

The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus, so shut up!!!!"

:From Ministry of Family Welfare

………………………………………………………………………

A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.

Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"

Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."

The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so marched over to inquire what was wrong. "Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"

Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes

and announced, "Nothing wrong with them!!!"

At this the man yanked off his oxygen mask and screamed, "ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK????

………………………………………………………………………

Once Banta and Santa tired with the mobile communication and

decided to use the conventional method of communication.

That is to use pigeons to send messages. One day Santa sends his

pigeon.

When the pigeon reaches to Banta it is without message.

Banta picked his mobile and asked Santa what is this joke?

The pigeon is without message.

Then Santa said : Banta that was a missed call.

AIDS or Alzhemers?

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes? "


"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking"

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When
your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from
another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is
your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to
memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than
once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the
middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him"

True American Heroine

Day ONE:

 

DEAR DIARY ... 

   I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've

packed all  my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.

 

Day TWO:

DEAR DIARY ..

   We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw

some  whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has

started to be.  I met the Captain today and he seems

like a very nice man.

 

Day THREE:

DEAR DIARY ...   

  I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some

shuffleboarding  and hit some golf balls off the deck.

The Captain invited me to join  him at his table for dinner.

I felt honored and we had a wonderful  time.

He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.

 

DAY FOUR ...

DEAR DIARY ... DAY FOUR

 

   Went to the ship's casino . did OK ... won about $80. The

Captain  invited me to have dinner with him in his state room.

 We had a  luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne.

 He asked me to stay  the night but I declined.

  I told him there was no way I could be  unfaithful to my husband.

  Day FIVE:

 DEAR DIARY ...   

Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I  decided to

 go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. 

The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a 

charming gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for the night and 

again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way 

with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled. 

 DEAR DIARY ... DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today . . .four times !!!!

 

 

:-)

Little Jonny

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed
the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied.
"Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope."

"You didn't steal it, did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and
Dad's bedroom the other night when they 'doing the nasty'.

Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Johnny was extremely impressed
with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch.

He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his
parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.
His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What
do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father
said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and keep quiet, then."

Thus Spoke Amby

Thoughts From The Workplace of amby...

1. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.
 Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

2.If at first you don't succeed, try management.

3.Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

4.TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.

5.Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

6.When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

7.INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

;))

Good One ...

  An elderly gent was invited to his old 
friends` home for dinner one evening. 
 He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request
 to his  wife with endearing terms calling her Honey, 
My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The  couple had been married 
almost 70 years, and it seemed they were still  very much in love. While 
the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his  
buddy,   "I think its wonderful that, after all these years you`ve 
been married, you  still call your wife those loving pet names." The 
old man hung his head. "I  have to tell you the truth," he said. 
 "I forgot her name about ten years ago."   

Hagar on marriage :-) 

calvin ..... 

Calvin ..... 

calvin .....

What does marriage means????

Courtroom Quotations

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
* *Witness*: "I only have one, you know."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?"
* *Witness*: "By death."
* *Lawyer*: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Accused, Defending His Own Case*: "Did you get a good look at my
face when I took your purse?"

The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "What is your date of birth?"
* *Witness*: "July 15th."
* *Lawyer*: "What year?"
* *Witness*: "Every year."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
* *Witness*: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was
stolen from the hall closet."
* *Lawyer*: "Can you identify the rifle?"
* *Witness*: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
* *Lawyer*: "And what did the writing say?"
* *Witness*: "'Winchester'!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
* *Witness*: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you
looked like?"
* *Witness*: "No. He was wearing a mask."
* *Lawyer*: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
* *Witness*: "Er...his face."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at
all?"
* *Witness*: "Yes."
* *Lawyer*: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
* *Witness*: "I forget."
* *Lawyer*: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something
that you've forgotten?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
* *Witness*: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
* *Lawyer*: "How long has he lived with you?"
* *Witness*: "Forty-five years."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when
he woke that morning?"
* *Witness*: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
* *Lawyer*: "And why did that upset you?"
* *Witness*: "My name is Susan."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
* *Witness*: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
* *Witness*: "After the accident?"
* *Lawyer*: "Before the accident."
* *Witness*: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school
for it."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red
and blue lights flashing?"
* *Witness*: "Yes."
* *Lawyer*: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her
car?"
* *Witness*: "Yes, sir."
* *Lawyer*: "What did she say?"
* *Witness*: "'What disco am I at?'"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?"
* *Witness*: "No."
* *Lawyer*: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
* *Witness*: "No."
* *Lawyer*: "Did you check for breathing?"
* *Witness*: "No."
* *Lawyer*: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?"
* *Witness*: "No."
* *Lawyer*: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
* *Witness*: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
* *Lawyer*: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
* *Witness*: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
collision?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"
* *Officer*: "Yes, I do."
* *Lawyer*: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the
time you had the plaintiff on radar?"
* *Officer*: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "What happened then?"
* *Witness*: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you
can identify me.'"
* *Lawyer*: "Did he kill you?"
* *Witness*: "No."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
* *Witness*: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the
compliment."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "So you were gone until you returned?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Were you alone or by yourself?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Witness*: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
* *Lawyer*: "Was this a male or a female?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon,
didn't you?"
* *Witness*: "I went to Europe, sir."
* *Lawyer*: "And you took your new wife?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that
picture."
* *Witness*: "That's me."
* *Lawyer*: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Were you present in court this morning when you were
sworn in?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
* *Witness*: "I'll be three months on November 8."
* *Lawyer*: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
* *Witness*: "Yes."
* *Lawyer*: "What were you doing at that time?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
* *Witness*: "Four times."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "She had three children, right?"
* *Witness*: "Yes."
* *Lawyer*: "How many were boys?"
* *Witness*: "None."
* *Lawyer*: "Were there girls?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it
looked like, but can you describe it?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
* *Witness*: "Yes."
* *Lawyer*: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
* *Witness*: "Not yet."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: /(realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid
question)/ "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined
the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
* *Witness*: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
* *Lawyer*: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
* *Witness*: "Borofkin."
* *Lawyer*: "What's his first name?"
* *Witness*: "I can't remember."
* *Lawyer*: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't
remember his first name?"
* *Witness*: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." /(rising and
pointing to his brother-in-law)/ "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell
them your first name!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
* *Witness*: "I refuse to answer that question.
* *Lawyer*: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
* *Witness*: "I refuse to answer that question.
* *Lawyer*: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
* *Witness*: "No."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
* *Witness*: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "What is your marital status?"
* *Witness*: "Fair."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Are you married?"
* *Witness*: "No, I'm divorced."
* *Lawyer*: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
* *Witness*: "A lot of things I didn't know about."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "And who is this person you are speaking of?"
* *Witness*: "My ex-widow said it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"
* *Witness*: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her
children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?"
* *Witness*: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
* *Witness*: "Yes sir."
* *Lawyer*: "Before or after he died?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to
a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
* *Witness*: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *The Court*: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all
present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"
* *Witness*: "No."
* *Lawyer*: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
* *Witness*: "Picking them up in the air."
* *Lawyer*: "Where was the dog at this time?"
* *Witness*: "Attached to the ears."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted
to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints
on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning
you and she, with him to the station?"
* *Other Lawyer*: "Objection. That question should be taken out and
shot."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok?
What school do you go to?"
* *Witness*: "Oral."
* *Lawyer*: "How old are you?"
* *Witness*: "Oral."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
* *Witness*: "She is my daughter."
* *Lawyer*: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not,
where there was a victim?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't
know anything about it until the next morning?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "And what did he do then?"
* *Witness*: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
* *Lawyer*: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered
you indignities?"
* *Witness*: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have
the furniture."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what
did you observe with respect to your scalp?"
* *Witness*: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the
hospital."
* *Lawyer*: "It was covered?"
* *Witness*: "Yes, bandaged."
* *Lawyer*: "Then, later on...what did you see?"
* *Witness*: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were
removed and put on top of my head."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
* *Witness*: "I could see his head."
* *Lawyer*: "And where was his head?"
* *Witness*: "Just above his shoulders."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
* *Witness*: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty
drunk."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a
murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
* *Witness*: "The victim lived."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an
unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the
fracas."
* *Witness*: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the
naval."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* *Lawyer*: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was
under the influence?"
* *Witness*: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't
pronunciate his words."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jokes :

Bill and Hillary

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before
the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his
ear. Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the
field. The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr.
President Sir, I think you misunderstood me, I said throw out the first
pitch."

==========================================================

Bad Food

A Doctor was addressing a large audience:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of
us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your
stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most
dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell
me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years
after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in
the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
==========================================================
CAREER AT A HELP DESK

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, nothing happens, it must be really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still
on my desk... sorry .

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Is that your left or my left?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and.....

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates damn it !

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but
the computer still says it can't find it...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Customer: I have problems printing in red ...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a Capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the Internet: -
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem.
A friend has placed screensaver on my computer, but every time I move
the mouse, it disappears !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you.Can You
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
hours ago.
Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle
around it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joke :Who ate the developers?

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals promised not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developer has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no one has noticed anything, and now you ate ONE developer and it got noticed. So hereafter don't eat a person who is working"

Calvin : The Human Insect

Joke(A):Relax for a minute ...

A bus that was full of nuns got into an accident, and all of the nuns
died. So, in Heaven, there's St. Peter and the Pearly Gates. Well, since
nuns are so good, they have their own special gateway to Heaven.

St. Peter saw the nuns from the bus lined up outside this gate and he
left his post and went over to them. "Okay, sisters, you were all good
and holy in life, and so you will get into Heaven. But before you do, I
must ask each of you a question."

He went up to the first nun and asked, "Have you ever touched a penis?"
The nun blushed and said, "Yes, but only with the tips of my fingers."
St. Peter held out a bowl of water he was carrying.

"Alright, Sister. Dip the tips of your fingers into this bowl and you
will be purified. Then you may enter Heaven." The nun dipped her fingers
in & entered Heaven.

St. Peter moved to the next nun. "Have you ever touched a penis?" The
nun blushed and confessed, "I have, but only with my left hand." St.
Peter held out the bowl to her. "Then dip your hand into this bowl and
you will be purified and can enter Heaven." The nun dipped her hand in &
entered Heaven.

Suddenly, there was a commotion. A nun came rushing up from the back of
the line and cut in front of the others.

"Sister, Sister," St. Peter laughed kindly, "there's no need to rush!
Every one of you will get in to Heaven!"

"Oh, I know," the nun said, "I just wanted to gargle the water before
Sister Mary Catherine puts her ass in it!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: It was yet another forward to me. so just uploaded it here. No
Hard feelings ......
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jokes: Disorder in the Court

There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by
court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.Some of these are excellent - Don't
miss the last one.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?

A: Gucci sweat-shirt and Reeboks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: By whose death was it terminated?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
on him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when h e woke up

that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the

autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes,it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

somewhere...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heights ...

1. What is height of Fashion?

Dhoti with a zip.

2. What is height of Secrecy?

Offering black visiting cards.

3. What is height of Active laziness ?

Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

4. What is height of Laziness?

Adopt a child.

5. What is height of Craziness?

Getting a black paper Xeroxed.

6. What is height of Forgetfulness?

Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.

7. What is height of Stupidity?

A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

8. What is height of Honesty?

A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

9. What is height of Suicide?

A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

10. What is height of De-hydration?

A cow giving milk powder.

jokes :Three Ducks ...

*Three Ducks in the Bar ******

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each
hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few
drinks and chats with the Bartender.

The Bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the
animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks.
They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go
to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar.

The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The
Bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?"
He says to the first duck.

"Huey" said the first duck.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day".

"Oh. That's nice.", says the Bartender.

Then he says to the second duck "Hi. And what's your name?".

"Dewey" came the answer.

"So how's your day been, Dewey?".

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.

If I had the chance another day I would do the same again".

So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says "So, you must be Louie".

"No", growls the third duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my
fucking day".
#####################################

*Three Tough Mouse ******

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at
night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar,
turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my
back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in
my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then
make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both,
slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies.
"Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it
home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I
can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.

The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't
have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fuck the cat."
#######################################################

*Two Men at a Bar ******

Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of
hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman
sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to
dance with that girl."

The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken
shit."

So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you
be so kind as to dance with me?"

Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now
I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance."

So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" asks the
friend.

The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would
rather shit in her pants."

################################################################

Jokes : Warm Beer ...

*Warm Beer ****

A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and
notices the beer is kind of warm. so he mentions something to the
bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer. Then it is
time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender
the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter. The bartender is pissed and
is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.

The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $5 dollar bill.
The bartender thinks: "okay, business is business" and lets him in.
Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.

Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note. The bartender goes to
the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar
bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub.
The bartender says: "there is your fucking change!"

The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes,
throws them behind the counter and says: "Gimme another beer!"
##############################################################

*When does the Bar Open? ******

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what
time the bar opens. "It opens at noon" answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even
drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar
opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait,I can
have room service send something up to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
##############################################################

*Wife's Photograph ******

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double
martini on the rocks After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his
shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.

After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and
asks the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night
long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before
you order a refill."

The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to
look good, then I know it's time to go home."
###########################################################

*A Blonde's New Job ******

A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with
Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road.
The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay
at or above the set average of two miles per day to remain employed. The
blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.

The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde
had completed four miles on her first day, double the average! "Great,"
he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only
accomplished two miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the
average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."

The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought,
"I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the
new employee in and said, "You were doing so great. The first day you
did four miles, the second day two miles, but yesterday you only did one
mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's
keeping you from meeting the two-mile minimum?"

The blonde replied "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther
away from the bucket."
################################################

*Blonde in a Boeing ***** *

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never
been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as
she boarded the plane,a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement,
running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!!
BOEING!!! BO....."

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears
the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts, "BE
SILENT!"

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the
blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a
moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,
"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
#####################################################

80 with 18.... Anything is Possible...

*An 80-year-old dude is having his annual checkup.*
*Doctor**:How are You feeling?*

*Man:** "I've never been better! I've got 18 year old bride who's
pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that"?*

*Doctor:** "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid
hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry
and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's in
the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises
up his umbrella, points it at the bear and squeezes the handle. The bear
drops dead in front of him." *

*Man:** "That's impossible! Someone else must have fired a gun."*

*Doctor:** "Exactly!" *

Malayali jokes

Name the wonly part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard?
Kerala

Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and
re-tying the lungi.

Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.

Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.

What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome?
Because he wanted to hear pope music.

What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.

Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.

Who found out that?
His aandy.

What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his nam e from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto.

Who is Malayali's fyamousu eactor end aectress?
Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.

Why Kerala is the heghly literate state in India?
Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapal from Kerala

Which car does he purchase when he gets license?
Second hand Mercedes.

Its My Life 

What is the fullform of MATHS? :) :)

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

_____

Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is
my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

_____

Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser:Mentaly Affected teachers harrasing students

_____

Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday

_____

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.
Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher :Why?
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

_____

Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."

Little Jonny ...

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one  holding the axe?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.
"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. 
"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.
"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your cat!"

-------------

Little Johnny was getting bad grades in school.   One day he  stepped up to the teacher's desk, and announced,  "I don't want to scare you Miss Finch, but daddy says if I don't get better grades... somebody is gonna get  a spanking."

--------

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say your prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My  Mom is a good cook."

---------------

Little Johnny returned from school and saying he got an 'F' in Math.
"Why?" asked his father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!", said his dad, upset at the injustice.
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f*@#%! difference?" asked his dad.
Little Johnny replied "That's exactly what I said!"
-----------

Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school.
His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"
Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.

----------------

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls
of Jericho?"
Little Johnny replies,  "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"
The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and
relates the whole incident.
The principal replies,  "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them;
if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I,  as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."
Even more appalled,  the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole
story... After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"
-------------------------------------------

bride and her father

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her
father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom. They reached
the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed
something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given
to the father by bride.The father could feel the suspense in the air and
all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.
So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my
life."Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and
continued, "My daughter finally, returned my credit card to me."The
whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom.

Joke : programmer V/s Manager !!!

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces
height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon

further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend

I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon,

hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40

and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West
longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is

technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your

information, and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, 'You must be a project manager

'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where

you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to

keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'

########################################################################################

Jokes ....

###############################################################################################################
*A Pastor in a Neighborhood Pub ******

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the toilet. The
place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor.
As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May
I please use the toilet?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use the toilet!"

"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in
there -- and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the
stairs, and he proceeded to the toilet.

After a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hopping
with music and dancing again! He went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I
don't understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music
and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the
toilet, and now the place is hopping again."

"Well, now you're one of us!" said the bartender. "Would you like a
drink too?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on
the statue, a bell behind the bar rings five times. Now, how about a drink?"

###############################################################################################################

*A Thief walks into the Bar ******

Two guys walk into a bar. One is a huge monster of a man, and the other
a slight, small man. They walk up to the bar and order drinks.

About that time, a thief walks into the bar brandishing a gun. He walks
up to the big guy, points the gun at his head, and says, "you've got
fifteen minutes to live, what do you want to do with the rest of your
life?"

The big guy says, " I want to fuck everything that moves!"

The thief points the gun at the little guy and asks, "you've got fifteen
minutes to live, what do YOU want to do?"

The little guy says, "Stand real still!"
###############################################################################################################

*Drunk in a Bathroom ******

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes
later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is
screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the
customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,
something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls." With that,
the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..........

"You idiot!" "You're sitting on the mop bucket!!!!

###############################################################################################################

$64k Question ...

*$64k Question ******

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The
night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a
question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the
studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the
best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.

"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know
that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000
dollars richer. Are you ready?"

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed
a question all week.

"Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you
know, you may answer either part
first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier.
Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"

Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it,
but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject,
but he played it safe.

"I'll try the easier part first."

The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second
half first, then the first half."

The audience silenced with gross anticipation......

"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen??"

*Brain Pills ******

A drunk was sitting in a bar looking at three small brown pellets in his
hand. The bartender asked what they were, and the drunk replied "They
are brain pills...they make you smart."

The bartender says excitedly, "Give me one." He snatches one from the
drunks hand, and gulps it quickly down with water. In a few minutes he
comes back over to the drunk and says he doesn't feel any smarter.

"You probably didn't take enough." So the bartender quickly gulps down
another one.

Half an hour later the bartender asks for a third pill. This one he
looks at with more care. He sniffs it, and tastes it slowly. "Why, this
is nothing but sheep manure!"

"See," says the drunk, "you're getting smarter already."

*Control Over Wives ******

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about
the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third
remains quiet.

After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well,
what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came
to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered,
She said, "'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man."

*Drunk Irishman *******

An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally
says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on
his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and
maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home
and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through
the door and up the stairs.

When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he
falls right into bed and is sound asleep.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at
him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"How did you know?" he asks.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

*Embarrassing Situation ******

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the
bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to
her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for
a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,
"No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring
at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he
slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She
smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a
graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to
embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

Wish i had the guts of this Girl ...

This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. For all of you
out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for
you. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver
for being smart and funny while making her point when confronted with
a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was
re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry
passenger pushed his way to the desk.

He slapped his ticket on the counter and said "I HAVE to be on this
flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you,
but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to
work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly,
so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone, "May I have your attention please, " she began, her voice
heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. if
anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F*** You!".
Without flinching, she smiled and said, I'm sorry sir, you'll have to
get in line for that too.