AIDS or Alzhemers?

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes? "


"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking"

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When
your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from
another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is
your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to
memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than
once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the
middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him"

True American Heroine

Day ONE:

 

DEAR DIARY ... 

   I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've

packed all  my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.

 

Day TWO:

DEAR DIARY ..

   We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw

some  whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has

started to be.  I met the Captain today and he seems

like a very nice man.

 

Day THREE:

DEAR DIARY ...   

  I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some

shuffleboarding  and hit some golf balls off the deck.

The Captain invited me to join  him at his table for dinner.

I felt honored and we had a wonderful  time.

He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.

 

DAY FOUR ...

DEAR DIARY ... DAY FOUR

 

   Went to the ship's casino . did OK ... won about $80. The

Captain  invited me to have dinner with him in his state room.

 We had a  luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne.

 He asked me to stay  the night but I declined.

  I told him there was no way I could be  unfaithful to my husband.

  Day FIVE:

 DEAR DIARY ...   

Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I  decided to

 go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. 

The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a 

charming gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for the night and 

again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way 

with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled. 

 DEAR DIARY ... DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today . . .four times !!!!

 

 

:-)

Little Jonny

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed
the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied.
"Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope."

"You didn't steal it, did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and
Dad's bedroom the other night when they 'doing the nasty'.

Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Johnny was extremely impressed
with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch.

He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his
parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.
His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What
do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father
said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and keep quiet, then."