Jokes : Warm Beer ...

*Warm Beer ****

A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and
notices the beer is kind of warm. so he mentions something to the
bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer. Then it is
time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender
the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter. The bartender is pissed and
is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.

The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $5 dollar bill.
The bartender thinks: "okay, business is business" and lets him in.
Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.

Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note. The bartender goes to
the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar
bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub.
The bartender says: "there is your fucking change!"

The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes,
throws them behind the counter and says: "Gimme another beer!"
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*When does the Bar Open? ******

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what
time the bar opens. "It opens at noon" answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even
drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar
opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait,I can
have room service send something up to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
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*Wife's Photograph ******

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double
martini on the rocks After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his
shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.

After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and
asks the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night
long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before
you order a refill."

The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to
look good, then I know it's time to go home."
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*A Blonde's New Job ******

A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with
Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road.
The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay
at or above the set average of two miles per day to remain employed. The
blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away.

The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde
had completed four miles on her first day, double the average! "Great,"
he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."

The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only
accomplished two miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the
average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."

The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought,
"I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the
new employee in and said, "You were doing so great. The first day you
did four miles, the second day two miles, but yesterday you only did one
mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's
keeping you from meeting the two-mile minimum?"

The blonde replied "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther
away from the bucket."
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*Blonde in a Boeing ***** *

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never
been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as
she boarded the plane,a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement,
running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!!
BOEING!!! BO....."

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears
the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts, "BE
SILENT!"

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the
blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a
moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,
"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
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